Saturday, February 26, 2011

I don't want to leave my baby, so what?

I constantly hear people saying how important it is to have a "date night" with your husband or "get a break" from your children. While I don't judge people who do and I can understand why they would, it just doesn't feel natural to my husband or I to leave her...

Yes, I think that if we left her in the nursery at church she would survive and most definitely have fun with the kids and part of me does feel guilty for not letting her go play with them, but she has fun singing and dancing with us in church during the service and we love watching her have fun. It would just go against my instincts to just let her go in there with people who I barely know.

I'm sure she would survive and have tons of fun and bonding time if we left her with Grandma or Auntie for a few hours while Daddy and I went on a date but to be honest, we think we have more fun WITH her than we would without her. Maybe it's because we don't have the desire to do anything that she can't do with us anyway, like go to bars for example. Even before we had kids we never went out and partied or anything, it's just not our thing. Again, before anyone misunderstands me I have to say that I do not judge people who do like to go out and party. I think it's great when people do the things that make themselves happy. That is just not "our thing." Like I was saying, before Juliette we were always doing kid friendly things. We always had a kid or 2 with us on the weekends. We loved spending time with our niece, nephew, little cousins, and my little brother, plus it gave us an "excuse" to go the the zoo, park, or chuckecheese!

Just last night my husband half jokingly said to me "I'm such a loser babe, I have no friends." I laughed and said "My internet Mommy friends and I talk about that all the time, you're not a loser, you're a responsible Father." In my eyes he's not a loser, he's an AMAZING dedicated father and husband. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Juliette is SO incredibly lucky to have a Father like him. He's the male version of me. We think so much alike when it comes to parenting. Everything he does, he does for us. I always knew he'd be a great father but I don't know if he would have the strong bond that he has with her if it weren't for the fact that we bed-share/co-sleep. I really think that just like breastfeeding created an amazing bond for Juliette and I, that the closeness, relaxing quiet time, and cuddling that they get from co-sleeping created an amazing, one of a kind, lifetime bond for them. I'm so grateful that we made the decision to co-sleep. I used to be a anti co-sleeping nazi and I used to rag on my sister for doing it with my newborn niece
(sorry sis!) -I feel really guilty about that. All I had ever heard about co-sleeping was that it's dangerous and kills babies. Which is ridiculous and I'll have to blog about that sometime. This blog isn't supposed to be about co-sleeping, but I think it's one of the reasons we're so attached to her and don't want to leave her.
So the bottom line is, we like having her around. Just because you and your husband feel like you need a date night, doesn't mean that we all do. To each their own is my motto! I don't think it's hurting Juliette or our marriage.
Does anyone else understand us and what I'm trying to say?

20 comments:

  1. Completely! I like to have time by myself but I also like having my daughter and son around. To each his own!

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  2. Exactly how we feel! We take our girl on our dates haha! Since she was a teeny tiny baby one of us held her while we ate and she's a part of us. We LOVE having her around!
    She's a social butterfly being part of everything we have done her entire life.
    Great post!

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  3. I totally hear you on the date night thing (& church nursery!) ... I think our culture is very adult-centric, and I don't think that's a good thing... Generations and families are meant to be together! It shouldn't be seen as a burden.

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  4. Thank you!!! I couldn't have said it better myself!

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  5. I definitely know how you feel! The only difference is that about once a month, I do ask my mom to keep my son for me. But maybe that's because I'm a single mom and can't say, "Hey honey, can you play with Little I so I can take a shower/go to the restroom/take a breath?"
    But this is how I like it, and I wouldn't change it for the world. :-D

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  6. I am so with you on every bit of this! Our family is the same and most people don't get it...but yes, we LOVE being with each other all the time and no we don't make friends the priority. Family first! =) Great post! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this!

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  7. Cassie, I feel exactly the same way! I just said to Kurt last night (after stopping for a drink with coworkers) that I just cant/dont want to leave her!! I've had my share of clubs, parties, etc..and now i just want all of my time with her!! I love when shes around, I love going shopping, out to eat, everything with her!!! You couldn't have said it better honey!!
    --Trish

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  8. Thanks girls!! I appreciate it. It's nice knowing we're not alone :)

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  9. This is how I was with DS. The first time he ever went to someone else's house was when I went into labor with DD1 and he was almost 2.5 yrs old. We were the same with DD1 and they never went anywhere w/o us until DD2 came. Since she was a foster we had to take required parenting classes and were not allowed to bring any kids. We had to do it once a week for 6 weeks. This slowly eased me into allowing others to watch them.
    Now, with DD3 we have no choice. 4 kids 4 and under is just too much for certain things. We only have 3 people that we trust to watch them and it still doesn't happen that often but sometimes it must be done. Like this week DS has a Kindergarten orientation night and we just can't bring all 3 girls with us so DD1 and DD2 will stay at a friends house while we go.

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  10. I just found your blog. I have to say I completely agree. I don't feel the need or even want to leave DD (16 months) with anyone. This is a good thing because she is what some would classify as "super clingy" or "high needs". She wouldn't stand for me leaving her in the church nursery even if I wanted to (which is fine with me -- I just stay in there with her). My mom always used to say that she wanted to enjoy her kids. Now I know what she meant. I want to have DD (an any future kids) around and really don't want to shuffle them off to someone else even for a few hours.

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  11. I agree completely! I WANT to be with my kids and I WANT them to experience fun things in life with ME! My husband is the same way.

    For our anniversary, I planned a romantic night out at a fancy restaurant. I asked my sister to babysit. She's awesome and the kids love her.

    I surprised my husband and told him what I had planned. His response? He said he would miss his baby and feel sad that she missed out! We brought her along!

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  12. This makes me feel so good! I'm expecting any day now and I am so amazed at how excited I am to share my world with this baby girl! My husband and I are both excited to take vacations WITH her, not to get away from her! I'm glad other people feel this way and that it actually works! :)

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  13. awwh Heather you're already an Instinctual Mama and you haven't even had her yet! That's awesome!
    Guggie, my husband would have done the same thing. For our upcoming anniversary we're planning on taking her to the beach we got married on :)

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  14. I was never a party-going, bar-hopping kind of person either. I understand just what you are saying. The thing that bothered me most was hearing people say, "You have to have dates alone or it will ruin your marriage." I know of people who went on tons of dates alone when their kids were babies and toddlers - like at least once every week - and they ended up divorced. Obviously frequent alone time after children are born doesn't instantly equal a successful marriage!

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  15. That is EXACTLY how my husband and I feel about my son! He'll be a year old on the 18th of March, and I've never left him for more than an hour. And that has only happened maybe 5 times. I just don't WANT to leave him! And neither does my husband. And I don't put him in the church nursery, either.

    He still breastfeeds 10+ times a day, and has pretty serious separation anxiety, so that contributes to the scenario. But still, I don't have any desire to leave him. I went through a HELL of a lot to have him - I want to soak in every second!

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  16. Are you married to my husband too?!
    :)

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  17. Wonderful Christening gifts you give if you give me suggest more baby gift ideas.

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  18. Yup. Could have written this myself. Getting sick of all the "you need to leave her" " cut the cord already " comments. I'm quite okay with spending all my time with my daughter and so s my husband which I love him even more now for it

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  19. I feel the same way as the other parents. I am a single mom & I always take care of my little one & wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my baby with anyone except in an emergency situation. One of my good friends invited me to go out. I 💘 love my friend no doubt but I have decided that unless my child is included in the plan I won't be envolved. Dinner or take out with baby & some movies with snacks at home sounds great me. It really wouldn't faze me at all if other people felt that me my sweetie needed to spend time away from each other. I really enjoy spending all my time with my little bundle of joy. Especially after unfortunately having two miscarrages prior & having my little one later in life at my age. I have so much fun being a new parent my family & friends are so excited that I had the opportunity to have a normal pregnancy & finally be able to give birth. I am so blessed to be a parent & I am so proud of myself for being so responsible by bonding with my sweetie. I find it nice for others to offer support with babysitting but I can relax & rest peacefully with my baby in my own care. Besides we love each other so much I wouldn't have it any other way. My baby is the best most beautiful & precious thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I love being a mommy.

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  20. I feel the same way as the other parents. I am a single mom & I always take care of my little one & wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my baby with anyone except in an emergency situation. One of my good friends invited me to go out. I 💘 love my friend no doubt but I have decided that unless my child is included in the plan I won't be envolved. Dinner or take out with baby & some movies with snacks at home sounds great me. It really wouldn't faze me at all if other people felt that me my sweetie needed to spend time away from each other. I really enjoy spending all my time with my little bundle of joy. Especially after unfortunately having two miscarrages prior & having my little one later in life at my age. I have so much fun being a new parent my family & friends are so excited that I had the opportunity to have a normal pregnancy & finally be able to give birth. I am so blessed to be a parent & I am so proud of myself for being so responsible by bonding with my sweetie. I find it nice for others to offer support with babysitting but I can relax & rest peacefully with my baby in my own care. Besides we love each other so much I wouldn't have it any other way. My baby is the best most beautiful & precious thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I love being a mommy.

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